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Growing up, I remember dreaming of what it would be like to turn 16, 21, or 25. Those ages seemed to resemble benchmarks of "adulthood" in which I would reach a level of knowledge that encompassed all of life's lessons. Although we learn with age, this dream is far from the truth. In fact, I often feel that I have gone backwards in my wise old years of 27. I doubt myself. I often curse my inability to recall simple facts as I attempt to juggle several tasks at once. I tornado around the house -cleaning, cooking, singing a child's favourite song- only to forget what I am looking for when entering another room. To top it all off, I am in a constant battle between my love for food and my desire to do-up my skinny jeans. Where is all that worldly knowledge I imagined I would possess? Well, if I pause for just one minute, that knowledge seems to be embodied in the tiny-yet-powerfully-voiced four-year-old currently demanding I sing "Part of Your World" for the seventh time this evening. Oh, the irony!
Life lesson 1: It's OK to let yourself love food!
The other day I took Moose and Boo to Tim Horton's. I had just recently paid off my car loan (3 years early!) and wanted to celebrate. As they each sat down with their smiley-face cookies and I with my coffee, we chatted about their day. Not 15 minutes later, Boo is uncontrollably sobbing in the chair next to me, "It's all gone! I wanted to save it, but I ate it!" She had eaten all of her smiley-faced cookie, and while her brother was revelling in his sugar-high, my gentle Boo was wrought with sadness as she realised that the delicious experience of one happy-faced cookie was over.
I get it; I've been there! I have sat down to delicious lobster feasts; a medium-rare steak with roasted potatoes; a decadent New York cheesecake covered in cherry sauce and attempted to savour every bite, only to find myself disappointed when it is over. However, in those moments, I find myself embarrassed for enjoying the experience to such a degree! After all, it would be awful for someone to know I love food that much, wouldn't it? Maybe, not. After watching Boo mourn the loss of her cookie, it dawned on me that I am OBVIOUSLY not alone in enjoying my personal culinary ventures. There is a reason the act of eating is considered a social event -because, everyone likes to eat! Boo was just giving in to the disappointment we feel when an enjoyable moment comes to an end. Although I will remain in control and refrain from shedding tears over the end of every meal, I can enjoy every bite and miss the experience when it is over, comforted in knowing I am not alone.
Life lesson 2: Onlookers be damned, if I want to wear it, I should!
I'm sure every mother of a toddler can sympathise with the morning battle of what your son/daughter should wear, weather dependent. It seems every child gets to an age where they find a desire to darn themselves, according to their own rules of fashion, and my child is no exception. Sometimes, it's a variation of a summer dress, jeans, and a hoodie. Others, its bright blue star-patterned tights, an animal print tutu, topped with a leopard-faux-fur coat and hot pink fedora. Whatever she picks, no matter how many "fashion rules" it breaks, she is so pumped to be wearing an outfit she picked out.
When I pick out clothes, it can easily take 30 minutes or more! Some days everything just fits "too tight" and I wonder if others will think I'm like a sausage stuffed into a casing. Some days I worry I'm too curvy. Other days, I worry I'm too muscular, or too thin (we women just can't win!) Often times, I will see a cute outfit on Pinterest and attempt to dress similar, only to be out feeling uncomfortable, worrying that my body "doesn't fit" the style. Then I look at my little fashionista, running around a store admiring all the sparkly shoes telling me they are "so in!" -seriously, where does she get this?- and I realise that I should take a page from her book: if I like it I should rock it, onlookers be damned! Why worry about what others' will see when the majority of them don't even know me?! As long as I am comfortable and like what I'm wearing, why worry? With this advice, I may just go out and buy my own faux-fur jacket - who knows?
Life Lesson 3: If you're happy, it's OK to sing and dance!
Despite being cast in several musical productions, taking vocal lessons for years, and performing in front of many an audience, I have a terrible fear of singing in front of other people. It took me years of living with my husband before I was comfortable enough to sing in the shower while he was home! Why? I fear screwing up and hitting the wrong note! What if I look bad, untalented, or even silly?! And let's not get me started on my poor attempts at dancing anything other than a two-step! No thank you, I'll just put myself in the corner and hide.
Enter Boo: the little girl who loves to sing and enjoys a dance party at any time of the day! This little girl has some serious moves, all her own. And if you ask her, she will break out into a beautiful rendition of Let It Go at the drop of a hat. She isn't shy of her talents and is happy to share them when the mood strikes. And why shouldn't she be? It makes her happy! So, why shouldn't I? Just like her, I really love to sing. I sing all the time (mostly when its just me, Moose and Boo): I perform every Disney song I know whenever we are in the car; I sing You Are My Sunshine every night at bedtime; Boo repeatedly asks for When I'm Gone like its' going out of style! But if I was every asked to go to karaoke, I can guarantee you I would remain firmly glued to me seat. Well, her confidence is starting to rub off on me and I'm learning to let go of those fears a little more each time I sing in the car. Karlos is now used to me singing arias while cooking, or operas in the shower. And maybe, one day, Boo and I will end up on a karaoke stage singing My Girl like a sappy old couple. After all, if it makes us happy, what else matters? As for my dancing skills, those will just have to come with time.
Life Lesson 4: It's OK to take time for yourself
One thing Karlos and I agreed on before children was that their rooms would always be their safe havens. Now that we have two slightly-independent small children running our house, we are even more behind this statement, and continue to tell Moose and Boo that their rooms are available to them as a place to find some peace and quiet. Moose may be too young for this, but Boo has taken the concept to heart. Whenever she is a little over-whelmed, needs a rest, or just wants some time away from her pesky brother, she simply announces (or yells, situation dependent) she wants some quiet time and takes herself to her room. Sometimes she puts herself down for a nap. Other times, she plays with her dollhouse and tea set, only to emerge 10 minutes later asking everyone to come join her. She enjoys taking advantage of her "alone time," and it helps to keep her calm when emotions get high. Watching this reminds me that sometimes, all we need is just a little time to ourselves. A warm bath. A quiet read. A nap. It's OK to take a few moments to ourselves, regroup, and reset for the remainder of our day. This applies to everyone! And that's ok!
I don't feel 27: I still feel 22, struggling to find my footing as a so-called-adult. I keep dreaming that there will come a time when I finally have a handle on life, although I am sure that is just the carrot being dangled in front of me. Maybe there is something to be said about the knowledge of the young. If only we could see the world through their eyes, maybe fewer people would get caught up in the rat-race of life. As for me, I'm going to keep my eye on this little diva I'm raising: I feel like I have a lot to learn, and she seems to be eager to teach.