To the Woman I Will Never Know

To the woman I will never know;

For the last week I have read countless details of your case, praying for a more just outcome. I have read with earnest your twelve-page account of the night you were attacked, and I have wept for you. I have shaken from anger as I heard of the gentle punishment Mr. Turner is expected to serve. All the while, I have stood with you, applauding the strength you have that myself, and many others never had.

The details may differ for us, but I know that evening became a night you will never forget. I know at some point, years from now you will find yourself in a public place and fear every leering look your receive. Despite your attempts to move forward, perhaps building a life and a family, you will have moments of uncontrollable shaking and tears. You will cry in hidden corners and behind closed doors too many times to count. You will fear for the safety of your daughter as she grows; and you will vow to teach your son better. Your family and friends will try to hold you and listen despite the pain they, too, feel. Eventually, they will move beyond it, leaving it in the past as if forgotten. You will feel as if you stand alone. In those moments of darkness, I hope you remember what a lighthouse you have become.

Many of us hide our attacks, either from fear of ridicule, or judgement, or disbelief. Many of us know our attacker -friend, acquaintance, school mate, family- and decide it's best to stay quiet. We convince ourselves that speaking up may "ruin his life" without questioning how it has altered ours. As they continue on living, we are left standing still with the events on repeat in our minds, our lives changed beyond question. Our attempts to move beyond are often thwarted as we come across news of others joining our ranks. For all of us, there will always be a part inside that is numb: the part they took. The world has changed for us, and it will never be the same.

I have been angry for 6 years, too many as I have stood in the ranks of victims. I have screamed and cursed, both myself and him. I have blamed myself and been blamed by others. I have hidden my past for fear of what others will think or say. I have remained quiet, afraid of judgement. I did not fight for justice: I never felt I had the strength. I am so sorry I never stood up for you, as you have for me. I am so sorry you had to join our war.

I will never know you, but there is a part of me that will always love you for your courage to take a stand. Your strength has changed the path we, as victims walk. You have taken us from silence, to finding our voice. For this, I am grateful.

May we stand in solidarity,

S