A Photo Says a Thousand Words

When I was a child, I loved to have my photo taken. Never really shy, I would perform for anyone who held the camera -home videos or vacation photos- I was always ready for my moment to shine. I don't know when that changed for me; but now, I find myself behind the camera and less in the photos that matter. Part of me wants to be in the photo; while, the other part of me wants to avoid those camera-given extra-ten-pounds we all know about. It's the Invisible Mom Conundrum: we want to commemorate the moment without providing proof we were around.

Everyone does it: we take a photo, and with today's technology we can judge that snapshot as soon as we hear 'click.' Just as easily as we judge the photo, it can be deleted. I have done it. You have done it. My children have done it! Our judgement on our physical appearance in a photo can happen in the few moments after a happy event or the blowing out of birthday candles. Some of us hire professional photographers, then ask to have our waists Photoshopped and arms trimmed in order for us to proudly hang a resemblance of ourselves in our home for all to see. I judge my photos all the time, and I know I'm not the only one. It's awful for our self-esteem and well-being! And, it's easy to do.

My beautiful friend Brittany from Brittany Santos Photography has chronicled my family in photos for the last 6 years. I am so grateful to have these photos as they document the changes in our family and commemorate the big moments in our lives. This past Mother's Day, she helped coordinate a family photoshoot, including grandparents and uncle, to celebrate the day. We had a lot of fun in the park as we attempted to get Grandpa to smile and get Moose or Boo to watch the camera. It was a gorgeous evening and, afterwards, I waited with excitement for Brit to share the files with me. Today, I received those photos! As I started to flip through them, I smiled with all the memories of that day. The photos are beautiful. Every member of the family looks so happy. But, just as I passed the sweetest photo of my in-laws, I came across a photo with myself. Instantly, I started to judge: my arms are too thick; my torso too boxy; my face is starting to get too round. My first thought was to not share the photo and stow it away. My second thought was to have a 'redo.' Surely, there doesn't need to be any proof that I'm anything but cut, curvy, and youthful, right?

As my self-judgements continued to whirl around my head, I hit the 'Next' button and came to a photo of my littles: so sweet and innocent. Boo had her pink blanket wrapped around her; Moose was playing with a ball. I look at them and am astonished I created, not one, but two perfect little beings. I don't want them to ever look at a photo of themselves, as I do of me. I want them to enjoy their bodies, not for their appearance, but the many wonderful things the human body can do. And, I wan't them to remember me, not as the mom who was afraid of a camera, but as a mom who was there. I want them to look back on photos and be able to say "Oh, yeah! Do you remember the time Mom and us..." rather than "Was Mom even there that day?" I may not like the photo. I may have my judgements: too many lumps, rolls, and wrinkles. But, by always opting to take the photo, I have no proof that I was actually taking part. So, despite the full-body shudder I occasionally experience when flipping through an album, I've decided I'm going to make more of an effort to be "in the picture." I know my habits; I know I'm healthy; I know I hustle hard to reach my goals and build the healthy body I want. But, none of that matters if my children don't even know I was there.